For the rest of you this shouldn’t be too much to ask.

I’ve moved to a self-hosted site so that now katiecharland.com and katiecharland.wordpress.com are one.

You can visit my new site, complete with blog posts at katiecharland.com

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Relationships and the Web from Katie Charland on Vimeo.

At 8am this morning I was a little bummed.

By 9:30am, I was furious.

By 10am, I was furious, sad and confused.

By 10:30am, I was upset for being confused.

By 10:32am, I was in problem solving mode.

By 11:00am, I was determined.

By 11:45am, I was repentant.

No one witnessed the entire process, though some received snippets. Obviously the pieces are useless without the whole.

No wonder people think I’m crazy.

There are lots of perspectives on Ignite – some critical and some in support.

They’re both missing something.

Ignite Phoenix is like watching The Discovery Channel or Iron Chef. We love watching great things being accomplished. We enjoy seeing people do what they are passionate about and we enjoy learning a little bit about something we didn’t know before.

But it’s passive. Ignite is for people who enjoy being inspired, but not necessarily for people who need to be hands-on.

As a speaker, I wanted my topic to “ignite” a teacher into action. I wanted to help create lesson plans, make education easier for both student and teacher. That never happened.

What did happen is I made connections that led to other things – whether that be personal relationships or projects like a special SMC Phoenix panel.

Ignite has to be part of the bigger picture to be successful. It gives people an initial welcome, but they need places to go to be hands-on. That’s why we need GeekWeek. That’s why we need events like StartUp Weekend or Gangplank’s #crowdpitch. That’s why we need an event like Seattle’s MindCamp.

Look at the comment by tonepoems on Tyler’s original post. That hits my point right on the head. By attending Ignite Phoenix #5, she moved out of her comfort zone to meet people. It may not have challenged her but it was an introduction.

Now we need to encourage her to attend other events to get the work moving. Look at the bigger picture.

And for the most part, that is who I am.

But if you look at my background, something seems a bit off. I worked in politics with an interest in lobbying. I have a master’s degree with a focus in PR. Sure people are genuinely nice in these fields, but nice with a purpose is far more common.

In its crudest form, relationships are transactions – practices in trade. One or both parties provide support, guidance, inspiration, etc., in exchange for the other party’s talents and skills. Most people don’t look at their personal relationships in this way, so politically. Generally when I share that I do, people want to nothing to do with me.

Being nice is my tool. I know that at some point, I’m going to need something from Party A. Therefore, it is in my best interest to maintain a pleasant relationship until that transaction is fulfilled. I don’t demand things of people outright and I don’t ask for anything without offering something in return. But yes, there is a plan. It doesn’t mean short term and it doesn’t mean it isn’t genuine.

There are other ways to go about getting what you want and I’m not one to argue they are less effective methods. Being brutally honest and upfront works on a level as well. You only attract people who can match your intensity and that are worth your time is one argument. It allows you to have little filter and always say what you mean. And there is much to be respected in that. In many ways, I work to be more like that.

It’s the difference between controlling  a conversation through dominance or strategically steering it in your favor. It’s the difference between tolerating for the sake of the bigger picture or debating the smaller piece. It’s the difference between critiquing an individual’s idea outright or listening to them speak and then doing it your way anyway.

In other words, I’m sneaky with a big, bright smile.

In fact, I don’t know if I believe in marriage at all. Well, to clarify, I don’t believe in the word ‘marriage’.

Gay marriage has been back in the news lately as a result of midterm elections. The measure has been voted down in a majority of states that included it on the ballot.

My two best friends are gay and both are in serious relationships. I love them both and want them to have everything that I have. But what that really boils down to is domestic security and equal rights.

And semantics.

Marriage is really just a partnership, an agreement, an economic transaction. But Bible beaters seem to get their panties in a twist over the symbolism and semantic importance of ‘marriage’. Time and time again, the base of their argument is “the Bible defines marriage as between a man and a woman.”

Well, as a good non-practicing Catholic, I consulted my Bible. It says quite a few interesting things about marriage actually, including:

Ephesians 5:23 – For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Colossians 3:18 – Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Mark 10:7-9 – Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.

To begin, the U.S. seems to have moved past that whole “wife subservient to the husband” deal without deteriorating as a country. Of course then we get into family values which I’ll just gloss over as something I’m too pissed off to discuss rationally.

But this last passage is the key here – “let man not separate”. The Bible is saying point-blank “don’t get divorced”.

It angers me that we are more concerned with not allowing gays to “marry” than actually preserving what the word means. It angers me that we require gays to “marry” to achieve the tax benefits, etc that come with the term. I think homosexual couples should find it insulting that we straight-people assume they want to get married, that it’s nothing more than be recognized for what they already are – life-long partners that want to share their lives.

I think the word ‘marriage’ is changing. I think it needs to change. I think it needs to be replaced with a less loaded term and something that more adequately explains what it really is – domestic partnership, committed relationship – then maybe we can make some progress.

I do.

I’m not quiet by any means. In fact I get teased, very often, about my loudness.

I wasn’t always like that and I’m NOT always like that.

When it comes down to an idea, I’m the quiet one. Typically, I’m not the one to come up with ideas. I leave that to other people. But when it comes time for that idea to come to fruition, it is the quiet ones that keep things moving along.

Every idea needs a vocal leader.

But every vocal leader needs silent supporters. People who do the behind-the-scenes work. Who always have an answer ready, a solution in the works and a passion to get the job done.

It is the quiet ones you have to look out for. We don’t want the credit. We don’t want the limelight. We’re not saints – we want control without the hassle. But mostly we want the feeling of accomplishing something amazing. That’s our high, not the headline or our names in print. And we’ll go to great lengths to achieve that high.

I’ve never had the opportunity to choose where I shop.

Now, living in Phoenix, I’m nearly overwhelmed by choices.

A few weeks ago I wrote about experiencing a farmers market in the Raising Arizona Kids community blog. This week the Phoenix Public Market Urban Grocery & Cafe celebrated its grand opening – the only centrally located grocery store in downtown Phoenix. In addition to its prime location, the grocery will feature only local food/drink distributors.

But the market’s opening is more than a convenience for those wanting to be able to walk to get groceries and shopping there is more important than a desire for fresh vegetables.

When you shop locally, you are putting more money back into the Arizona economy than if you shopped at a major retailer like Walmart. This point was argued eloquently by Phoenix Magazine editor Ashlea Deahl in the November 2009 issue. The issue features 130 of the Valley’s best local shops, beautifully highlighting each shops unique characteristics and quirks.

In the editor’s note and corresponding feature article, Ashlea explains that the rate of return to Arizona’s economy nearly triples when you shop locally. Simply put, for every $100 you spend at a local shop, $45 remains in Arizona, as opposed to $13 when shopping at major chains.

But put aside money for a minute. What about customer service? Quality? That feeling of trust that comes with handing your money over for a product?

When I walk into Changing Hands Bookstore, I know the people behind the counter. Their staff has worked with me to provide a discount on titles for the book club I attend, in turn encouraging me to bring more members into their store. When I see a book suggestion, I know a staff member has actually read the title and that the recommendation is not a paid placement.

Think about it. When you go on vacation, you want to eat at those cute little restaurants you wouldn’t see back home. You shop in the tiny boutique stores so you can bring home unique, special gifts.

You don’t have to go on vacation. It’s right here, every day. And hey, you’ll impress out-of-state friends with your knowledge of all the hole-in-the-wall places. Always a bonus.

For a list of local shops in Arizona, visit the nonprofit organization Local First AZ.

Thank you to Phoenix Magazine and editors Ashlea Deahl & Keridwen Cornelius for providing the statistics.

* This post was originally posted to the Raising Arizona Kids’ Community blog.

A few weeks back, xkcd.com drew up this little number:

The subject of TSA security has been the butt of jokes for years, with the inception of the 3-1-1 rule. However, this one box added a spin I was unfamiliar with – the small threat of laptop batteries. It was fresh, a new argument as to why we should all be allowed to walk free through security with our bottled water.

Yet the best thing about this comic is not the message, but the REACTION.

A few days later, TSA picked up on the strip and posted a response. They could have done a few things with this. I was expecting some snarky, or whiney comment about how we should all just comply with the rules “because we said so”.

Instead, TSA’s response was very informative and took the time to acknowledge that while batteries may be unsafe, there is a bigger picture. And I love the fact they used a web comic as a teachable moment.

It may be over the top and over-reacting to post a ‘response’ blog entry over an obviously sarcastic comic. But it shows that TSA is listening to what people say about their work, no matter in what form or where.

Over time though I’ve started to think that knowledge without context is what makes the fool, not ignorance.

Take an example from my not so distant youth.

I had been dating a guy for a while and was hanging out at his apartment one weekend. Something came up and he had to leave. I figured I’d finish a paper while he was gone, so he set me up on his computer and left.

Curiosity set in.

Remember how AOL instant messenger used to keep all your chat files in a folder on your personal drive?

I don’t think I need to spell out what happened next.

After a lengthy argument, he provided the valuable context needed to explain the certain exchange I was upset about. In the end, I’m the one looking like a jerk.

I’d have much preferred ignorance of the conversation to the knowledge in that case. Even after the context was provided, that incident was always in the back of my mind. I’m not saying that if I hadn’t looked we wouldn’t have fought or broken up, but the doubt wouldn’t have been there.

There have been other cases of varying topics since to the point I’ve started actually telling people “I don’t want to know” or “It’s better if you don’t tell me”.

It has made my life easier.

I know what you’re going to say – the truth is supposed to be hard. And you’re absolutely right. But if there is nothing I can do about it, why should I want to know? What if knowing doesn’t change the outcome?

I’ll leave you with this scenario. You’ve been having trouble breathing, been feeling dizzy – so you head to the doctor. After several tests, he tells you it is lung cancer and it is terminal.

Would you want to know how long you had to go? I wouldn’t.